October is (among a million other things) Anti-Bullying Awareness Month. What started out as a week-long event back in 2006, sponsored by an organization called Pacer, has grown over the years to a month-long recognition and tomorrow is Unity Day.
What’s Unity Day? I’m glad you asked- basically you wear orange (t-shirt, ribbon, bracelet, shoes, whatever) to show that you recognize and support the cause. Oh, and it’s probably a good idea not to bully anyone while doing it. Not only because it’s mean and hurtful, but also because New York has Anti-Bullying laws in place to try to help protect students.
I saw this PSA on youtube that I thought was pretty decent and I thought I’d pass it along. It’s an entire 60 seconds long. Please watch it. Be safe out there and be kind to one another. If you can’t be kind, don’t be cruel.
If you need some help, or know someone who needs help, ask for it. There are people and places and websites out there to try to make this thing called growing up a little easier.
So, in high school, a few things are clear. One is that there are kids having sex. Two is that there are kids not having sex. Three is that there are kids (in both of those groups) who don’t know what the hell they are doing. This is also true for college, btw.
We all make mistakes and decisions that aren’t always the best or safest for us, emotionally or physically. But for those in the having sex crew (or the everything but crew) some of those decisions can lead to STDs, HIV, or pregnancy. Condoms are the safest (cheapest, and easiest to get) bet for protecting as much as you can against all three, but there’s nothing wrong with having a backup (the pill) or a back up to the back up, if you can afford it.
Unwanted diseases, well, you just get stuck with those. Some you can cure, others, not so much. Unwanted pregnancies, well, there you have some options. And the NYC Department of Education is trying to make one of those options more accessible.T
Word on the curb is that some New York City Public School students will now be able to get Plan B at their schools. Plan B is emergency contraception, a pill that you can take after having unprotected sex, or after whatever protection you used didn’t work, or after you’re raped, to try to stop a pregnancy from occurring. It’s like back up to the back up. The trick is you have to take it within 72 hours (but the sooner the better) and it doesn’t always work.
The program is starting in 13 high schools and everyone seems to have an opinion. Some people are pissy because they say this encourages teens to have irresponsible (i.e. unprotected) sex; some people are supportive because they say teens need options and greater access, and some don’t really feel a way about it, they just think it’s practical.
No one asked me my opinion, but am I for it? Hell yes. Am I a parent? Hell no. Does my opinion matter? Probably not, but I’ll share it anyway. Look, everything has pros and cons, but my opinion basically comes down to this- what is best for the young women this program is intended to serve? Greater Access. The end.
If you have any questions about what Plan B is, how it works and where you can get it. Here are some quick answers to help you get informed.
Today is HIV Vaccine Awareness Day. What does that mean, exactly? Well, scientists are still trying to find a vaccine to stop the spread of HIV. And they want to make people aware of what they’ve done, what they’re doing, and that they are still optimistic that they will find a vaccine. You may or may not be interested in the details, but take away the important (and simple) lesson- if you chose to have sex, protect yourself. Ok, it may not always be easy to do, but your life is worth it.
In the first issue of Homegirl NYC, international AIDS activist Hydeia Broadent, who was born with HIV and had full-blown AIDS by age three, shares her story. Here’s an excerpt:
Hydeia Broadbent on the cover of Poz magazine. Photo courtesy of the magazine.
“I am26 years old. I take 3 HIV/AIDS medications a day and I go to the doctor every three to six months, more if I am feeling ill. I went to college but I had to stop going because I was sick and needed to rest. It is possible for someone living with HIV/AIDS to have a relationship but partners have to be educated on how to stay safe. I am dating someone I have known since high school. We plan on getting married after he is done with school. At one point I was madly in love with someone who was ashamed of letting people know I had full-blown AIDS, which hurt and sometimes brought me down. From that I learned I needed to date a man who was sure of who he was and able to handle people if they said negative things. I can have children without passing HIV onto them but I’m not sure if I will take that risk. I try to stay positive because there are people who are no longer here with us, and I don’t want to walk around depressed when I have a heartbeat. So I try not to think about death. I look at it like everything that lives and breathes will die—I could get hit by a car. I try not to think about it ‘til that day comes. Yes, it’s always there in the back of my mind but it does not affect my everyday outlook.
Hydeia B. in 2009, by Robert John Kley. Photo courtesy of Hydeia.
I am an HIV/AIDS activist. I travel all over the country and the world, speaking at colleges, health conferences and youth events about HIV/AIDS. People think they can tell when someone has HIV/AIDS–they have an image in their minds of maybe of a gay man or an IV drug user, as if those are the only people at risk. I am here to say that image is so wrong! Take me as an example and wipe that right out of your mind. Please remember your health is your responsibility, no one else’s! If you are in a relationship, go with your partner to get tested. If you can’t go together, is this really the person you should be sleeping with? It’s 2010 and we need to understand you can die from having sex! Yes, sex is a beautiful thing and I am not telling anyone not to have sex, but I am tell you to be safe and educate yourself. Getting tested is free and so are condoms in different heath centers or free clinics in every city. All you have to do is Google locations or look them up in the phonebook. We all need to do our part, this is our problem!”
Today is HIV vaccine awareness day… spread the word. To find a testing site near you, visit www.hivtest.org.
10 Ways to Help a Friend or Family Member Who is Being Abused
Helping someone who is being abused isn’t always easy. Day One can show you how to support someone without contributing to the danger.
Take a Deep Breath. Before you say anything to your family/friend member, take time to think about your relationship with the person and what this person means to you. The type of relationship that you share will affect your approach. Monitor your own emotions: You’re in the best position to help someone else when you’re open-minded and patient.
Don’t be afraid to tell them you are concerned for their safety. Help them recognize the abuse. Them them you see what is going on and you want to help. Help them see that what is happening is not “normal” and they deserve a healthy, non-violent relationship.
Acknowledge that they are in a very difficult and scary situation. Encourage them strength and courage. Let them know that it is not their fault that they are being abused- the abuser, not the victim, is responsible for the abuse. Let them know they are not alone.
Be supportive. Listen to them. Remember, it may be difficult for them to talk about the abuse. Let them know you can help out whenever they need it. What they need most is someone who will listen to them and believe them, and who can help them sort out their options.
Be non-judgmental. Respect their decisions. There are complex reasons why victims stay in abusive relationships. They may break up with and go back to the abuser many times. Don’t criticize them for doing that. They will need your support even more at those times. Don’t make them feel bad for their choices- even if you think the choices are wrong.
Encourage them to do things with you and other friends and family and to take part in other activities outside of their relationship.
If they break up with the abuser, continue to be supportive of them after the break-up. Though the relationship was abusive, they will probably fell sad and lonely when it is over. They may be tempted to get back together with that abuser, and will especially need your support at that time.
Help them develop a safety plan. Safety Planning helps victims think ahead about how to protect themselves. A safety plan is developed before a dangerous situation arises rather than at the last minute. A safety plan identifies dangers to avoid and resources for help.
Encourage them to talk to people who can give help and guidance. Offer to go with them to find a counselor or support group, or to talk to their family, friends, or teachers. If they are going to the police, to court, or to see a lawyer, offer to go along, but make sure to let them do the talking.
Remember you cannot “rescue” them. Although it’s difficult to see someone you care about get hurt, ultimately the victim must make the final decision. You should be there to support them and help them find their own way to escape the abuse and make themselves safe.
Note:the reality of most reported cases of relationship violence is that victims are referred to as “she” and abusers as “he.” However, boys and men can be victims, and girls and women can be abusers; and domestic violence occurs in same-sex relationships at the same rate as in heterosexual relationships. The above information applies equally in all cases.
Last year I attended a “Teen Dating Violence Conference,” hosted by the Brooklyn District Attorney’s Office. It is one thing to talk about dating violence- what it is, who it affects, and the need to get help; it’s another thing to actually GET help.
So what do you do if you (or someone you know and/or love) is in an abusive relationship? Where can you go for help? What are your rights as a teen? And who can/will help you protect them? Well, here is some information to help you figure it out-
Step One: Know the FACTS
According to Day One, a NY-based organization that works to end dating violence and helps teens get the assistance they need,
“Twenty-six percent of girls in grades 9 to 12 have been victims of physical abuse, sexual abuse, or date rape, according to the Journal of the American Medical Association.
Approximately 1,400 teens call the New York City Domestic Violence hotline every month.
Girls who reported that they have been sexually or physically abused were more than twice as likely as non-abused girls to have eating disorders, engage in substance abuse and commit suicide.”
Here is a clip from a Day One film about dating abuse-
“According to a Department of Health report, one in ten teenagers in New York City schools reports experiencing physical or sexual violence in a dating relationship within the past year.
Nearly half of all female homicide victims in New York City are killed in intimate partner homicides. Of these intimate partner homicides, teenagers comprise approximately 8% of the total victims.
Peer pressure or fear of losing newly gained autonomy many precent young victims/survivors from disclosing abuse. In one study, less than 3% of boys or girls reported an incident of teen dating violence to someone such as a teacher, police officer, or counselor; only 6% reported it to a relative.”
According to Break the Cycle, a national organization based in LA that works to stop dating violence, the picture on a national level is just as serious-
“One in three teens experience some kind of abuse in their romantic relationships, including verbal and emotional abuse.
40% of teenage girls, ages 14 to 17, know someone their age who has been hit or beaten by their partner.
Nearly 80% of girls who have been physically abused in their intimate relationships continue to date their abuser.
1 in 4 teenage girls who have been in relationships reveal they have been pressured to perform oral sex or engage in intercourse.”
THOSE are the facts. READ them again. THINK about what you read. UNDERSTAND how serious dating violence is. DECIDE that you are concerned enough to DO SOMETHING. Then, LEARN how you can HELP.
Fall is upon us…and no one wants to get the flu or H1N1 (the “preferred” name for swine flu). So what do we do? In a city bursting with people crammed onto sidewalks and into subway cars, apartments and schools, the old saying an “ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure,” seems appropriate. So where can you get the facts?
Well the NYC government has set up a nice, handy dandy website where you can get information on the flu, H1N1 and what you can do to help prevent catching either one. Basically:
Cover your mouth when you cough or sneeze
Wash your hands (frequently and thoroughly) with soap and water. Those hand-cleansers are handy, but you still need to wash your hands.
If you are sick, stay home and treat your symptoms.
Try to avoid being around sick people.
It seems simple enough, but doesn’t always work. Especially here in NYC. So, you also might want to get vaccinated.
Homegirl NYC 