October is (among a million other things) Anti-Bullying Awareness Month. What started out as a week-long event back in 2006, sponsored by an organization called Pacer, has grown over the years to a month-long recognition and tomorrow is Unity Day.
What’s Unity Day? I’m glad you asked- basically you wear orange (t-shirt, ribbon, bracelet, shoes, whatever) to show that you recognize and support the cause. Oh, and it’s probably a good idea not to bully anyone while doing it. Not only because it’s mean and hurtful, but also because New York has Anti-Bullying laws in place to try to help protect students.
I saw this PSA on youtube that I thought was pretty decent and I thought I’d pass it along. It’s an entire 60 seconds long. Please watch it. Be safe out there and be kind to one another. If you can’t be kind, don’t be cruel.
If you need some help, or know someone who needs help, ask for it. There are people and places and websites out there to try to make this thing called growing up a little easier.
So, while Homegirl NYC is all about the awesomeness of girls, we would be remiss not to mention the greatness of some guys. “We give props to those who deserve it and believe me, y’all he’s worth it
According to the NY Post (I know), basketball star Amar’e Stouemire, went to Rikers Island on Friday to “spit the truth to the young black youth,” speaking to a room full young men, ages 16 to 18, incarcerated at the facility. His talk, which was by all accounts well received, focused on encouraging them to think about their lives, to want better for themselves and make a real effort not to go back to jail once released.
Stoudemire, a power forward for the Knicks who receives just as much press for what he wears off the court as he does for how he plays on it, was on a panel with former basketball players John Wallace and Etan Thomas, Macolm Shabazz (grandson of Malcolm X), Styles P from the Lox and sports commentator Chris Broussard.
According to the Post, Stoudemire told the young men, “The plan for us is not to succeed, and it goes back to when there was slavery.” “What you got to do is look at yourself in the mirror and say: ‘What am I going to do so I will not be a number?’
Good question. I hope that in addition to their talk, the panelists stay involved and start (or continue) investing in finding real solutions, like building/providing support systems necessary to help ex-offenders really make changes in their lives.
On Friday night, Rihanna spoke to Diane Sawyer on 20/20 about dating violence and her relationship with Chris Brown. This was her first time speaking out about “the incident” (let’s call is what it is- the night Chris Brown battered her) publicly. It wouldn’t be a stretch to call it a “publicity stunt” for her new album (because, let’s face it, the timing is certainly no coincidence) but the fact that she is speaking out about it publicly remains a powerful thing. I stand by that. So, if you missed it, catch the full interview here-
and here,
and here,
Ladies, dating violence is very real and it is very serious. It can happen (and it does happen) to anybody. Speaking out about what it is, who and how it affects us helps take away the stigma. If you are being abused or know a woman (or man) who is, understand that the shame is not yours, nor is the blame. Get help, and sometimes it helps to speak on it.
So…you all have heard about the upcoming movie Precious, right? It’s based on the book Push by Sapphire. Have any of you read it? If not…wow. I read it back in the day when I was probably far too young (I snuck and read a lot of books with very mature content back in day, though- tee hee) but I remember it and recently went home and found my original hardcover copy (ok. it was on my bookshelf, so ‘found’ is an exaggeration, but still). I’m thinking of re-reading it before the movie premieres on November 6, but it’s one of those books that troubles you to your soul- like Beloved by Toni Morrison…sometimes, you can only stand to read it once, anything else is kind of traumatic. To get a better idea of what I’m talking about, check out the trailer:
Riiight. Want a little more? Here’s a summary of the film from a recent New York Times Magazine cover story– “Graphic as the film is, it is less so than “Push,” the 1996 novel on which it is based. Written by an African-American poet and writer known as Sapphire, “Push” relied on intentionally misspelled, broken and slangy English to convey Precious’s sense of despair and rage. The novel mixes poems by Precious with sexually extreme scenes, like those in which she is forced to perform oral sex on her mother. It is almost relentlessly bleak: when Precious discovers she is H.I.V.-positive, she is certain of her imminent death. Daniels’s movie, by contrast, offers a greater sense of possibility. He doesn’t ignore her disease, hardships or struggles, but he also liberates her from them. Precious is a stand-in for anyone — black, white, male, female — who has ever been devalued or underestimated.”
Now, the movie is a definite must see…but I want to focus, for a moment on the title character, newcomer Gabourey “Gabby” Sidibe, a Brooklyn-born, Harlem raised homegirl who is getting.it.IN. And not just in the film. Looking at Gabby, I’m sure you assume something about her, if you’re honest. She’s dark-skinned and overweight, either of which is not generally considered desirable in our community (and you can define “our” any way you choose); the combination of both, definitely not. But don’t get your girl wrong, she’s not the shy, quiet, keep my head down and try to hide inside myself, invisible to boys chick that some may mistake her for. On the contrary, she, unlike many young girls clearly knows her worth and has self-confidence like no other. Don’t believe me? Check her out in the New York Magazine story.
“They try to paint the picture that I was this downtrodden, ugly girl who was unpopular in school and in life, and then I got this role and now I’m awesome,” says the actress. “But the truth is that I’ve been awesome, and then I got this role.”
‘Daniels, who saw hundreds of audition tapes from across the country (350-pound actresses don’t grow on trees), was blown away by Sidibe. “She is unequivocally comfortable in her body, in a very bizarre way. Either she’s in a state of denial or she’s so elevated that she’s on another level,” he says. “I had no doubt in my mind that she had four or five boyfriends, easily.”
“I learned to love myself, because I sleep with myself every night and I wake up with myself every morning, and if I don’t like myself, there’s no reason to even live the life. I love the way I look. I’m fine with it. And if my body changes, I’ll be fine with that.”
“And, of course, Gabourey Sidibe is more likely to bitch-slap a boy than the reverse. Is she still juggling four or five boyfriends? “Yes, but I don’t want to get serious enough to call them boyfriends,” she says. “This one guy, I’ve deleted his number. I would text him at 7 p.m., and he’d be like, ‘I’m at BBQ’s.’ But the thing is, you don’t go to BBQ’s with your boys, you go with a girl. Then he’d call me at eleven. I’m like, ‘Why don’t you call me at six when you’re ready to go to BBQ’s?’ ” Her voice quickens with a touch of rage. “Don’t, don’t, don’t! I’m not a regular girl. I just got off a plane from France. You need to check yourself.”
WHAT?! How can you not LOVE this chick?! Want some more? Well, you can check girlie out on the COVER (say word!) of The New York Times Magazine.
Now THAT’S really a bIg deal. The story’s kind of long, but here’s a (relevant) little taste.
“Unlike Precious, Sidibe is well spoken and cheerful. “I’m not her,” Sidibe said emphatically. “But, when I was 14 or 15, I saw myself in a different way. Back then, I envied a life that I’d made up in my mind. I broke free of that unhappiness and I decided to change — I was going to be happy with myself. No matter what I look like, no matter what people think.”
May we all be so lucky…so support her on November 6th, y’all! I know I will be.
Rapper Lil’ Kim (Brooklyn girl) likens herself to one- “Black Barbie.”
Kimberly Jones in high school
Lil Kim as “Black Barbie”
As does rapper Nicki Minaj (Queens Girl) who calls herself “Harajuku Barbie.”
Nicki Minaj
In a box
As "Harajuku Barbie"
"All girls are Barbie," Nicki says.
And Now…Mattel has a new line of Barbie Dolls out … black Barbie dolls, from the new “So In Style” line, which are supposed look more like real live black girls and “[feature] more authentic-looking facial features such as fuller lips, a wider nose, more distinctive cheek bones and curlier hair.” According to a Mattel press release,
“The So In Style(TM) line features Grace(TM), Kara(TM) and Trichelle(TM) dolls, three best friends who are all about fashion, fun and friendship. Each of the dolls features its own unique personality and style and reflects one of three varying skin tones. The S.I.S.(TM) line also introduces a mentoring theme; each doll is accompanied by a smaller doll or “little sister” and has different interests – from music and math to science and drill team. The big and little sister dolls are meant to introduce and inspire girls with mentoring themes.
eh…if you say so Mattel…who knew Barbie needed a mission statement?
Here’s what the designer had to say,
Thoughts? Now, granted, I could critique the dolls (that hair weave), as nothing is perfect but hey, we’ve got to start somewhere, right?
So, talk to me. You all, I’m sure, no longer play with Barbie Dolls, so I doubt any of you will be running out to pick one up for yourselves. (Or maybe you will) But what about your little sisters, cousins, or daughters? How important do you think it is for young girls to see themselves represented in the toys that they play with? Or for teenage girls to see themselves represented on tv programs, on the runway, in ads, on commercials or in the movies? And what, seriously, do you think about these dolls?
I think I was in college when I first heard the phrase claim your space. Looking at it now, it seems fairly self- explanatory, but I’m not sure what I thought it meant when I first heard it. So if you’re confused about what it means, trust me, you aren’t the only one.
Claim your space is one of those phrases that most people understand, but would explain or articulate differently, kind of like, “do you,” or “man up,” or “recognize.” There is no one “right” definition for any of those phrases, but you know what it means when you hear it or when you say it.
For me, claiming your space means establishing your place in the world and making your presence there known- kind of like putting your own unique stamp on something, so people know that you where there, that it’s your space. And that can happen where ever you are, in many different ways, from running for student government in your school, to decorating your room at home, to performing at an open-mic night, or starting a new club or group. Or, for me, starting this blog.
But the thing about claiming your space that makes it difficult is that you have to own it, you have to be in control, and be willing to be noticed. And that’s one of the reasons it was so hard for me. I tend to be really shy around people that I don’t know well or in large groups. I detest public speaking or giving presentations of any kind. I was always a little annoyed when “class participation” was a high percentage of my grade, but I got over that, it just wasn’t natural for me. So I always thought I would write under a pseudonym (a name other than my own) or anonymously because that way, if anyone criticized what I wrote or thought I was a bad writer, I wouldn’t be put on blast for everyone to see. So that was my m.o.- work behind the scenes, stay under the radar, and out of the spotlight. It was safer that way. And to be honest, I still am that way, to a large extent. I don’t think that that you have to talk the loudest or speak the most to be effective or to be a leader. But, I do think you have to be willing to take a stand and stick by your decision, publically.
I had a not-so-favorite professor say to my class once- “set up a blog and write under your real name,” no pseudonyms, no hiding on the Internet; take ownership for whatever you put out there and stand by it. And that stuck with me. So that’s why I blog under my real name. Because I stand by what I say here and I want you to feel like you know who you’re talking to (whenever you start commenting : ) It’s also quality control. I would never want my name associated with some crap, so blogging under my real name holds me accountable for making sure that what I put out there (in perpetuity online) is quality.
That said, I also wanted to post a picture of myself, which is also something that I do not do. I’m not one of those people on fb with 85 albums entitled “me.” But I want this blog to be a space where we can talk and share and eventually get into some really heavy things, so I want you to feel like you know who you’re talking to and I realize that for some people, that means being able to see me. So, in case you were wondering, here I am-
And I encourage you, when you comment or write in (or even email if you prefer to keep it between us), to claim your space, whatever that means to you. It may not mean commenting under your full government name or posting a picture (safety first and always), but speak your mind (even if you disagree… especially if you disagree) and stand by what you say. We’re all big girls over here.
Homegirl NYC 