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Teen Dating Violence: Get Help

11/08/2009
Dating Violence, Issues, Resources, Staying Safe
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In New York City, Day One can help.

Step Three:  Get Help for Yourself

Comprehensive Services for Youth Experiencing Dating Abuse

If you are 14-22 years old and a survivor of abuse, combines therapeutic counseling and legal services are available to you at no fee.

Day One Offers:

  • support groups
  • individual and group counseling

Day One Can:

  • help you navigate the criminal courts system
  • accompany you to the police precinct to file a report
  • work with your school & the Department of Education for a school transfer
  • help you access public assistance, housing, immigration & other support services
  • represent you in family court for orders of protection, custody & visitation, and child support

Call Day One to meet with an attorney and a counselor who will help you make safe choices in and out of your relationship. The phone number is: 1-800-214-4150/ 212-566-8120

The office is located in a confidential location in downtown Manhattan and provides free metrocards for youth traveling to Day One’s office. Also, Hablan Espanol.

And, additional information from the Brooklyn DA’s office: “You are not alone! Tell a friend or adlt that you trust. Don’t be afraid to report abuse. Silence is the most dangerous issue in dating violence.”

Here is a list of additional resources:

  • Brooklyn Family Justice Center– Provides civil legal assistance, counseling, emergency support, spiritual counseling, and information about housing and public assistance for domestic violence victims. Walk-in hours are Monday-Friday 9am-5pm. 350 Jay Street, 15th Floor, Brooklyn, NY 11201
  • STEPS to End Family Violence– Provides counseling and education for teens who abused, legal assistance and court advocacy for incarcerated women who have been abused. Ph: 646-315-7600; 212-410-4200
  • The Door– Comprehensive services for youth 12-21. Services include counseling, GED instruction, job and internship placement services, art therapy, legal services, health center, creative and performing arts center. Make an appointment or walk-in Monday-Friday (2-5) or Wednesday (2-7). Enter at 555 Broome Street, 121 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10013. Ph: 212-941-9090
  • The Safe Space- A project of Break the Cycle, Safe Space can help you get involved in bringing awareness about teen dating and domestic violence to your community.  Ph: 1-888-988-TEEN
  • CAMBA– A comprehensive care community care agency with specific  programs for victims of violence and youth, including legal services, counseling, and work force development. 885 Flatbush Avenue, 3rd Fl. Brooklyn, NY 11226. Ph: 718-282-5575
  • St. Luke’s Hospital Crime Victims Treatment Center– Offers crisis intervention and individual and group counseling as well as other services. 411 W.114th St., New York, NY 10025. Ph: 212-523-4728
  • NYC Gay & Lesbian Anti-Violence Program (AVP)– Provides counseling, advocacy, and support for the lesbian, gay, transgender, bisexual, and HIV affected communities of NYC who have been impacted by violence and crime. Ph: 212-714-1141 (24-hour hotline)
  • Center for Family Life– Provides comprehensive services on behalf of youth and families, including counseling, employment support, and advocacy. Ph: 718-788-3500
  • Planned Parenthood of NYC– Family Planning, STD/HIV Testing, Gynecological services. Services available for men also. Walk-ins welcome for Pregnancy Testing and Emergency Contraception. Various locations. Appointment line: 1-800-230-PLAN
  • Break Free Adolescent Services– Services Adolescents ages 12-17 1/2) in English, Spanish and Russian. Break-Free provides weekly individual and family therapy for teens with academic programs, family conflict, truancy and other social or emotional disorders. 2020 Coney Island Avenue, Brooklyn, NY 11223. Ph: 718.676.4280
  • Dr. White Community Center- Catholic Charities, Diocese of Brooklyn- Offers various programs including after school and a youth employment program- services are free. 200 Gold Street, Brooklyn, NY 11201. Ph: 718-875-8801
  • Children’s Aid Society, Family Wellness Program– Offers group and individual counseling for teens who have been affected by family violence and/or who are being abused in an intimate relationship. Also offered are educational workshops and peer leadership groups for teens. Services for younger children, adult women and adult men are also offered. Services are offered in several Children’s Aid Society sites in Manhattan and the Bronx. Ph: 212-949-4800
  • Barrier Free Living– Serves disabled clients who are experiencing or have previously experienced domestic violence, and their children who have witnessed abuse. They provide information and referral services, individual and group counseling, psychotherapy, psychiatric services, occupational therapy, and advocacy services. Ph: 212-533-4358
  • LawHelp/NY– An online resource for low-income New Yorkers seeking pro bono legal assistance.  Find help on issues such as housing, family & juvenile, identity theft, taxes, consumer, public benefits, health and more!  Featuring thousands of resources in over 39 languages, an instructional video and a mirror site in Spanish.  Free trainings available.  Visit LawHelp.org/NY for more information.
  • NYC Domestic Violence Hotline Ph: 1-800-621-HOPE 24 hours per day/7 days per week
  • NYS Domestic Violence Hotline Ph: 1-800-942-6906 24 hours per day/7 days per week
  • Youthline Ph: 1-800-246-4646 Monday-Friday 9am-9pm; Weekends Noon-8pm
  • National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline Ph: 1-866-331-9474
  • National Domestic Violence Hotline Ph: 1-800-799-SAFE
  • Covenant House’s 9 Line– The 9 Line is a general hotline for teenagers. Covenant House specializes in providing temporary housing and assistance to runaway and homeless youth. Ph: 1-800-999-9999

Teen Dating Violence: Know the FACTS

11/07/2009
Dating Violence, Health, Issues, Local, Staying Safe
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Last year I attended a “Teen Dating Violence Conference,” hosted by the Brooklyn District Attorney’s Office. It is one thing to talk about dating violence- what it is, who it affects, and the need to get help; it’s another thing to actually GET help.

So what do you do if you (or someone you know and/or love) is in an abusive relationship? Where can you go for help? What are your rights as a teen? And who can/will help you protect them? Well, here is some information to help you figure it out-

Step One: Know the FACTS

According to Day One, a NY-based organization that works to end dating violence and helps teens get the assistance they need,

“Twenty-six percent of girls in grades 9 to 12 have been victims of physical abuse, sexual abuse, or date rape, according to the Journal of the American Medical Association.

Approximately 1,400 teens call the New York City Domestic Violence hotline every month.

Girls who reported that they have been sexually or physically abused were more than twice as likely as non-abused girls to have eating disorders, engage in substance abuse and commit suicide.”

Here is a clip from a  Day One film about dating abuse-

“According to a Department of Health report, one in ten teenagers in New York City schools reports experiencing physical or sexual violence in a dating relationship within the past year.

Nearly half of all female homicide victims in New York City are killed in intimate partner homicides. Of these intimate partner homicides, teenagers comprise approximately 8% of the total victims.

Peer pressure or fear of losing newly gained autonomy many precent young victims/survivors from disclosing abuse. In one study, less than 3% of boys or girls reported an incident of teen dating violence to someone such as a teacher, police officer, or counselor; only 6% reported it to a relative.”

According to Break the Cycle, a national organization based in LA that works to stop dating violence, the picture on a national level is just as serious-

  • “One in three teens experience some kind of abuse in their romantic relationships, including verbal and emotional abuse.
  • 40% of teenage girls, ages 14 to 17, know someone their age who has been hit or beaten by their partner.
  • Nearly 80% of girls who have been physically abused in their intimate relationships continue to date their abuser.
  • 1 in 4 teenage girls who have been in relationships reveal they have been pressured to perform oral sex or engage in intercourse.”

THOSE are the facts. READ them again. THINK about what you read. UNDERSTAND how serious dating violence is. DECIDE that you are concerned enough to DO SOMETHING. Then, LEARN how you can HELP.

Rihanna Speaks Out About Dating Violence

11/07/2009
Dating Violence, My Story, News, pop culture, Self-Esteem, Staying Safe, TV
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On Friday night, Rihanna spoke to Diane Sawyer on 20/20 about dating violence and her relationship with Chris Brown. This was her first time speaking out about “the incident” (let’s call is what it is- the night Chris Brown battered her) publicly. It wouldn’t be a stretch to call it a “publicity stunt” for her new album (because, let’s face it, the timing is certainly no coincidence) but the fact that she is speaking out about it publicly remains a powerful thing. I stand by that. So, if you missed it, catch the full interview here-

and here,

and here,

Ladies, dating violence is very real and it is very serious. It can happen (and it does happen) to anybody. Speaking out about what it is, who and how it affects us helps take away the stigma. If you are being abused or know a woman (or man) who is, understand that the shame is not yours, nor is the blame. Get help, and sometimes it helps to speak on it.

Rape Victim in California Speaks Out

11/05/2009
National, News, Staying Safe
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We recently reported on the brutal gang rape of a 15-year-old outside a California high school that outraged the nation and put the community (and the school) where it happened under a very critical microscope. It also brought many in that community together to speak out against violence and look for solutions. Well, some of those concerned residents gathered together on Tuesday for a vigil/rally/support session where the pastor of a local church read a letter from the young woman.

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The message was simple and powerful. According to the article, she said, “Violence is always the wrong choice.”

“We realize people are angry about this,” the 15-year-old sophomore said in a statement read by her church pastor at a rally at the high school. “But let the anger cause change, change that is necessary to keep our children, our neighbors and our friends safe.“

Well said. Let your anger lead you to create change.

Also, according to the article,  “Richmond High School is accepting cards and donations for the victim and her family. They can be mailed to the school at 1250 23rd St., Richmond, CA 94804-1011. Make checks out to the Richmond High Student Fund, with “For sex assault victim” written in the memo line.”

Girl Gang-Raped at High School Dance; People Participate, Some Watch and Yet No One Helps

10/30/2009
National, News, Staying Safe
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So, I’ve been holding off on posting this because I didn’t know quite what to say…I STILL don’t, but here goes. Apparently, last Saturday, a 15-year-old girl was gang raped by a group of guys animals for two and a half hours on the campus of Richmond High School in the Bay Area in California, while a homecoming dance was going on inside. There was plenty of security inside, along with parents and school officials, to make sure that there was no violence, at the dance, but none outside. The girl left the dance and was going to meet her father to go home when a male “friend” asked her to walk with him to another (secluded) part of the campus. There, they met a group of people who had been drinking. She was then robbed, beaten and brutally raped. And if that was not horrible enough, “As many as 10 people were involved in the assault in a dimly lighted back alley at the school, police have said, while another 10 people watched without calling 911 to report it.” Some put that number as high as 20. Some of the “bystanders” stopped to participate in the rape, and even recorded the brutal rape on their cell phones. WHAT?!

The girl was finally found, not because someone saw what was going on and called the police, but because “someone in the area who had overheard people at the assault scene talking about the incident,” called it in, according to police. How heartless can you be? Oh, and good luck prosecuting the “bystanders” though, as “A 1999 California law makes it illegal not to report a witnessed crime against a child, but the law applies only to cases in which the child is 14 or younger.” I am beyond disgusted.

According to the article, “three juveniles and two adults are in custody in the rape on Saturday, said the Richmond police spokesman, Lt. Mark Gagan. The three juveniles will be charged as adults, he said.” Police believe she knew at least one of her attackers. What is this world coming to? When our girls can’t even depend on decent people to help protect them? I mean, it’s sad that it has come to this, but we expect criminals to behave like animals. But we expect more of “decent” people, regular citizens, we have to, in order to believe that others will protect us when we can’t protect ourselves. Not necessarily get involved (because many won’t), but at least, call the police. I guess, “decent” people and criminals have one thing in common- you certainly can’t tell by just looking.

Free Self-Defense Classes in Brooklyn

09/14/2009
Staying Safe
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The Center for Anti-Violence Education (in Brooklyn), offers FREE self-defense classes for pre-teens, teens, transpeople, and LGBTQ adults.

Registration is CURRENTLY OPEN for all classes; call (718.788.1775) or email (info@caeny.org) CAE to sign-up!

Here’s a list of the classes. Visit the CAE website for more information and to download the flyers.

PACT (Power Action Change for Teens) – For Teen Women & Transyouth
Ages 14-19
Thursdays, 4:30-6:00 p.m.
This class follows the school calendar. Fall 2009 semester starts September 24.

FREE 5- Week Teen Self-Defense – For teen women & transyouth ages 14-19. Saturdays, October 17-November 14 
12:30-2:30 p.m.

FREE Pre-Teen Self-Defense – For girls ages 11-13. Call for next start dates. Fridays, October 16 & 23
4:30-6:30 p.m.

5- Week Self-Defense for Women & Transpeople Saturdays, October 17-November 14
3:00-5:30 p.m.

FREE Self-Defense Class for LGBTQ Adults Saturdays, December 5 & 12 
1:00-3:30 p.m.

Sign up and Spread the word!

The Buddy System

09/14/2009
Staying Safe
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When I was a freshman in college, we  were encouraged to use something called the buddy system. Because we were all (mostly) new to the area and were experiencing total freedom for the first time, the college wanted us to stay safe. We lived in a gated community and had on-campus security so we felt relatively safe there, but in the area surrounding our school…not so much. During orientation, they gave us all the good speeches on staying safe, had us memorize the number to the public safety office and even gave us piercingly loud whistles that we could use in case of an emergency. They also encouraged us to use the buddy system- walk in pairs or groups, never venture out alone, and always make sure that someone knows where you are going and who you are with- that included when you were going out on a date. So on any given date night, we were encouraged to walk our roommate/next door neighbor/friend to the car, meet the guy, get a name, check the license, and- get this- write down his license plate number. We all thought that was a little extra and laughed it off, but the thinking was that if he knew you had all that identifying information, he would be less inclined to “do something” (if he was at all inclined) to your friend because there was little chance he’d get away with it.

Now, just about everyone has a phone with a camera and unlimited texts. We use them for everything- recording foolishness on the subway, snapping pics with our girls, forwarding prayers, joking, sharing, gossiping, flirting, sexting…  But we should also remember that they could be our first line of safety defense. Now yes, like most people, I stan for both Law & Order and CSI so I’ve seen how a “cell phone can break a case,” but seriously, it’s better to be safe than wish you had been.

I laughed a lot of the “safety precautions” stuff off while in college, because like most people, I just didn’t think that it would happen to me. And even now, I walk around all the time and at all hours of the night listening to my ipod; without a thought that, as my mother would say,  “someone’s could knock me upside the head” and I wouldn’t hear them;  but they could. We can’t live in fear and we don’t have control over everything that happens to us, but we can make better decisions and be accountable for each other. So now, when one of my besties is dating someone new that I haven’t met, I get a full name, at least, and a picture if they’ve got it and I store it in my phone, just in case. Yeah, we laugh about it and say that it’s, “just in case I go missing, you’ll know who did it,” particularly because one of my besties, admittedly, likes to date slightly off center/moderately crazy people, but there’s definite truth behind it. Even if you are a very private person and prefer to keep your personal business private, there should be one person in your life with whom you feel comfortable sharing those things with. I’m not saying you have to give anyone the blow-by-blow or everything you do, or that this person has to be a parent- but at least make sure someone trustworthy (an aunt, cousin, mentor, friend) has your back…and that you have hers.

Protect yourselves and one another