Was anyone else excited to see this episode of 90210? Did she or didn’t she? Will she or won’t she? Hmm…and wait. I thought Annie was still a virgin…I must have missed that memo. In any case, if you missed it, here’s the teaser-

Whew. Alrighty then. So that didn’t go exactly as I thought it would. But interesting nonetheless. So let’s go in.

90210 (Pt.1) I typed this while watching the first half of the show:

Laim’s mom- get.a.backbone. I know you don’t want to go back to sweeping and mopping, instead of parlaying and shopping for a living but it’s California…if he divorces you, he has to split his bucks…right down the middle. So stop letting your husband verbally abuse your kid!

Liam- stop being a punk. Tell Naomi you had sex with her sister and take your lumps like a man-boy. She’s already pissed at you, so what is there to lose? I know you think you’re protecting her and what not, but have we not learned that secrets, like dairy products, will not keep?

Naomi’s sister- are you serious? stop being a psycho! Where is Kelly when you need her? Both for therapy (isn’t she a counselor or something) and a beat down. Scratch that, call Brenda for the beat down, she’d be better at it.

Naomi- poor, jaded Naomi. You’re not a bad person, really, but I can’t really say that feel bad for you. As sneaky as you are, you should be better at spotting the snakes in the grass…mirror much?

Silver- oh, Silver. Snap out of it girl! What  happened to you? I know you’re hurting and all, but it’s hurting me to watch this. Get your spirit back on track, blog something! And since when did you become a part of the crew? I thought you were all “I’m not a prom queen/normal teen/alternative” Let’s revisit that, shall we?

Ryan- get a clue. Can you possibly be that naive? Seriously. At your age, (you passed young and dumb a long time ago) you had to have been around long enough to know better.

Dixon- get over yourself. Annie is your sister and even she’s been acting like a major bia as of late, you have got to have her back! always. Also, I thought you were supposed to be Brandon 2.0. What’s with the Dylan-like brooding, sullen leaning and now, surfing?

Annie- oh, Annie…when did you get so annoying? Were you like this last season? All this mealy mouthed whining, and passive aggressive behavior…get a grip.

New guy- Teddy is it? Steve Sanders, much? Seriously…the famous parent, “the blond and beautiful” thing, blah blah blah. I’m still sussing you out.

Navid- hater, much? Perhaps it’s all the sexual repression but you need a hobby or three.

Adrianna- good job. I’m liking you sober. Way to call Navid on that wack apology and stand your ground. A word of caution though, watch out for new guy, I’m not sure he’s to be trusted.

90210 (Pt.2)

Liam’s mom- now, didn’t it feel good to take up for your son just a little bit? I know it’s hard to choose between your husband and your teenage son (as a mom, you must ask the eternal question- at what age does your happiness matter more than his- and either dislike the answer, be unhappy, make him unhappy, or both)

Dixon- “Did you put your weight behind it?”

Naomi-  you were sooo close…

Evil sister- “you’re scary good,” I hate to see what comes around for you. I just don’t like you. At all…Who are you supposed to be Valerie?

Annie-  good job standing up for yourself and breaking dude’s phone. You still got outed, but you tried.

Liam- bonding with the fellas, huh? Awww…good for you, making some friends. If Dylan could do it, so can you!

[oh and very cute “I’m a New Yorker” moment between the fellas…I guess NY pride doesn’t ever wear off]

Idk…the jury is still out, but I am kind of interested to see what happens this season.  I’m trying very hard not to be a Beverly Hills 90210 purist, but it’s just too easy…I mean, look, we never got our Brenda/Dylan/Kelly resolution and here you go trying to update the show?!. Come on!

At least they know what shows to try this stunt with. Can you imagine if someone tried to “remake” My So-Called Life?! (Blasphemy! Btw, if you’ve never seen that show…it will change your life. Classic.)

Oh, and before I go, I would be remiss not to say a word about sexting…Look, it’s nothing new. People get caught up…in feelings, in the moment, in situations…in flagrante…and things happen. I know that I’m not one to tell you all what to do, (Besides, I’m sure there’s very little I could tell you that you don’t already know), but, I will proffer a word of caution.

Actually, I fall back on something I wrote a year or two ago, called, the “NEW” rules of dating:

Re: Text photos (or sexting)

New dating rule: Do not send incriminating photos over the phone!

When to follow it: When you don’t know him well enough to trust that you won’t end up exposed on the Internet. Or when you’re planning a career in politics, law, medicine, media, business, or have any aspirations to be great.

When to break it: When you trust him (or her) and have equally (if not more so) incriminating photos of him.

Re: Text- stalking

New dating rule: Do not continue to text message him if he is only (half-heartedly) responding to you and never initiating contact.

When to follow it: When you two are just getting to know each other. You don’t want to come off like a text stalker, a pest or a lame with nothing else to do. You also don’t want to give him all the power. Let him work foryour time and attention as well.

When to break it: You know him well enough to decipher that something is not right and suspect that there is a reason he is avoiding contacting you. Be the adult and encourage him to “use his words,” even if it is through a text. If you respond by just avoiding him as well, you’ll soon tire of the “I can ignore you better” game. Besides, you’re better than that and if he’s not interested, he’s wasting your time.

Re: Friends

New dating rule: Don’t blab too much about the new guy person you’re dating too soon.

When to follow it: When you don’t want to mess things up or jinx it. Or when your girls talk way too much.

When not to follow it: When you just can’t keep it to yourself, you need some good advice, and you know your friends are trustworthy (and can keep a secret).

Use as needed. Apply as directed.